A beautiful mum messaged me the other day to say: “If [my child] gets bored let me know and I can collect.”
I feel for today’s parents - the pressure to be ALL things at ALL times, to always be ON, always be organised and doing something (anything) but never nothing … There’s not a lotta’ room for space.
Each and every parent I know and/or work with has one thing in common (without exception) they ALL want to parent differently to the way they were parented. And for some “boredom” means (whatever it meant to them as a child.)
I create space for parents & kids to BE in all feelings (including boredom) … because after all “boredom” is just SPACE. Space for some people is terrifying -God I totally get that - not knowing what to focus on or how to ‘distract the mind’ from going down dark alleys.
Space is also a profound nothingness where ANYTHING & EVERYTHING is possible. It’s terrifying AND exciting! Space and boredom is the birth place of creativity.
I don’t really remember being bored as a kid … not because my parents were always present and entertaining me (they weren’t) and not because I was involved in a heap of organised activities (I wasn’t) … I don’t really remember being bored because the things I would create in the inevitable moments of “boredom” were always SO captivating of my imagination - they kinda’ outweigh the memory of boredom.
To be honest I’m fairly sure the moments of boredom (leading to the moments of creativity that captivated my imagination) shaped my life!
I remember eagerly flicking through National Geographic magazines looking at photos of remote tribes, people living in developing countries and international families all whilst imagining what it would be like to be an Anthropologist studying the way other people lived.
Those moments of curiosity inspired by “boredom” as a kid led me to study the ins & outs of human nature, to create the Farmer’s Wife’s Project (An Aussie wide study into the lives of rural women) … to work in Cambodia for 10 years & facilitate others to experience life in a developing country. To share our home with people from around the world (creating international family.) To now work as a Humanistic Therapist literally experiencing what it FEELS like to be in someone else’s family dynamic. I’ve worked with tens of thousands of people over the years & had a huge variety of life experiences … ALL because I had the space to get “bored” as a kid.
As well as shaping my life purpose … my most fun times as a kid were born from boredom … building forts with my friends, exploring the bush, pretending to be under-cover agents … If I was alone I’d make bow & arrows and pretend I was living in a remote tribe , hunting for my survival. I’d catch tadpoles and make little homes for them … I’d make up running games & obstacle races. I’d read … and I’d write stories, long stories of adventure.
God I get that boredom (& space) can be scary at times. It can literally activate our nervous system back into survival memories of being a helpless baby, completely alone, in the dark, not knowing if anyone would ever come to us to feed and comfort us. …Let alone what ever happened to us (or didn't happen for us) in childhood and beyond.
ALL feelings ‘just’ want to be experienced and they will persist until we allow them to be felt. And a lil’ heads up: whatever (feeling) we resit - persists! Sometimes it helps to have someone alongside us (eg an Attunement Facilitator) while we experience a feeling that is uncomfortable for us to feel alone.
Perhaps when it comes to “boredom” - If we’re always distracted, scheduled and entertained … We’ll never get to know who we are in the space and we’ll never get to find out what we might create in the space.
When I’m facilitating Kids group (5 hours of attuned, child-led, group play) I give kids enough space to feel all their feelings which means at least one of them may occasionally feel boredom for a moment. … And then … before I know it, they’re coming up with the most fascinating invention, the best games are being made-up, they’re stepping into leadership and organising other kids to play a game, they’ve created their best artistic masterpiece … Given enough space to feel bored for a moment kids always end up feeling empowered by THEIR decision to create … something … And all of it happens because there was a moment of nothing! It’s super cool to witness!
Boredom is the birth place of creativity - the trick is to be regulated (mindful & aware of self) in the space so we can create what we DO want rather than simply give our minds free rein to wander down dark alleys, creating all sorts of unnecessary experiences. But you know - either way there will be an opportunity to learn… something.
What if the feelings we most avoid contain the coolest treasures? There’s only one way to find out.
Is there a feeling you avoid? Or a feeling you’re trying to ‘protect’ your child from? Let’s talk. Join me for an Inner-child Attunement Session I’ll sit alongside you while you explore your resistance and create space for all of life to flow.