In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?” Gabrielle Roth
I thought of Gabrielle Roth’s quote this morning and asked myself these questions … I looked back on my socials (which is where I often share story) and realised dancing, singing, story & silence all stopped for me (again) around the time of the second flood in our northern rivers community.
It’s interesting because our family wasn’t directly affected by the floods but I somehow managed to “soak up” the collective energy and feel like I’ve been trying to get my head above water ever since.
I guess I felt the metaphysical shift coming long before the physical shift reached our community … I’d witnessed the changes during my years in Cambodia and felt them deep in my soul, at a consciousness level.
During my last visit to Cambodia I remember asking a Khmer friend one day how he was. His reply “In my village, not serious, but a flood.” When I explored things further an international corporation had recently built a highway straight past his village to allow visitors from their country to drive past (in their air conditioned, privately owned busses to stay in their privately owned luxury hotel and dine on their imported food, served by their imported staff.)
The highway of course diverted the natural waterway and when the rains came all the water washed into the village destroying huts and food crops. My friend had smiled warmly and labelled it “not serious” because no loved ones were injured. People in developing countries are used to “natural disasters” and challenges … My friend cut back on study time, worked extra shifts to help support the family who had lost income from destroyed crops and in his spare time helped the village rebuild. No drama in his world, just a “natural” part of life.
On my last visit, another Khmer friend of mine had made a recent career change. He was doing maintenance at a school for $4 a day to support his family and extended family. Just like his father, he’d been a fisherman all his life but was no longer fishing because there weren’t enough fish to keep all the local fisherman trading. … The big international boats were catching most of the fish now days … there may have still been enough for the locals with their small boats but now that the surrounding forests had been sold to international companies the climate was changing, the mangroves were drying up and there was no where for the baby fish to grow up safely. My friend supposed that change was inevitable, smiled and focused on what he’d always focused on – doing what he could to support his family.
I have hundreds of stories like these, each one is etched into my soul, sometimes when I have space to reflect, I feel so deeply that I reach the broken pieces of my heart and my eyes fill with tears. There’s so much love held tightly in protection there – I know it wants to be fully felt and expressed but that would mean having to touch more of the injustice… And that just makes me feel fucking angry! So I counteract this by clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth, I’m fully aware I’m suppressing ancient, global love AND ancient, global anger at the same time. And I wonder what would be possible if I allowed myself to finally feel it all … to hold the paradox gently and powerfully.
Injustice has always been something I’ve felt strongly about. Since I was a little kid I felt the disparity in the world and wondered why we all couldn’t just love each other and share. It seemed to me, as simple as it was confusing… Why did I have the luxury of sitting at the breakfast bar in my kitchen, dressed in my ironed school uniform while my dad served me soldier toast spread with lavish amounts of butter, peanut butter and jam? I guess it would have been no biggy if there wasn’t a famine in Ethiopia at the time and our box television wasn’t flashing images of naked, starving kids with flies drinking from the corners of their eyes. It was a lot for a six year old kid to figure out, so I did what I could and said no to the extra scoop of milo my dad offered… every day from that moment forward! Self sacrifice seemed like the best deal the six year old me could offer my starving friends on the TV.
A few years ago when I was experiencing the gap widening between government/corporates and humans living in Cambodia, my bestie was experiencing it between government/corporates and humans living with disabilities. We were both “bridge makers” of sorts at the time, both driven by deep connection and a desire to rebalance injustice one human at a time. We shared a longing to set the wrongs right and we believed this was possible by creating space for marginalized humans to be fully seen and heard. Interestingly enough after years of service in our own and shared arenas, we both found our hands tied by corporate red tape. The additional rules and requirements of corporate ego left no time for 1:1 connection and our failed efforts to rebalance injustice left us feeling disgruntled and pissed off with the world! …As the universe would have it we were both stripped bare naked, with little left besides our own trauma and our own ancient longing to be fully seen and heard.
We needed space and a lot of it … from our hearts n’ souls … (and even from each other at times) and in the meantime big corporate could go and suck a proverbial and everyone would just have to learn to take care of themselves!
When the second flood reached our community all of this “stuff” rose to the surface … AGAIN! Injustice, inequality, homelessness …and the gap between wealthy and poor … / or aware and not-so-aware /or personally responsible and not-so-personally-responsible /or however you want to label any of it… widened! And I KNOW all of these paradoxes lie within ME … so the inner- reconciling began … AGAIN! …And the walls around the broken pieces in my heart came down … AGAIN! …And the suppression of ancient, global love and ancient, global anger commenced … AGAIN!
In the meantime …I’ve been supporting a local bush school in my home community because I believe with all my heart that kids need to be free to live and BE outside of the system, surrounded by nature… explorers of themselves and creators of their own world. Witnessing kids grow alongside nature is soul food …And yet I know the government red tape is rolling out to bind these kids and their families back into submission. …And I also know this is part of the initiation into a broader consciousness. The serendipitous fact that the Director of the bush school was born in Ethiopia doesn’t escape me! … The fact that the director doesn’t have any childhood memories of starving children doesn’t escape me either!
As my own holistic therapy clients ,who have fled the corporate world, struggle to find themselves amongst the shifts and changes … I’m reminded that we are ALL playing our part in birthing the new earth. This contraction and expansion, contraction and expansion is happening for a reason. Each moment of contraction is nothing less than a spiritual test … maybe that’s why some communities are blessed with bigger tests than others? … Maybe it’s a collective longing for expansion. …Who knows?
It’s kinda’ funny because on deeper reflection … even the people we “think” are trying to bind us in red tape or keep us submissive are perhaps playing a vital role in setting us free - into our own expansion? …I NOW choose to believe that the reason building bridges between wealthy and poor / justice and injustice / privledged and marginalized brought me to my knees … Is because I needed to REAL-eyes I’ve been called to build bridges between head, heart & hand… between body & soul … and now more than ever … between metaphysical dimensions.
If this journey all comes down to personal responsibility … then perhaps the injustice I feel is in ME stifling MY own expansion! Maybe the anger I’ve been suppressing is between MYSELF and MY ego as I tussle to simultaneously hold onto and let go of everything I “think” I am. (Ahhhh hello “corporate greed!”) And the love I’ve been suppressing is perhaps all the SELF LOVE I gave up the day I decided I’d have 1 less scoop of milo for myself because my own good fortune wasn’t fair on others. (FYI - I just realised I’ve spent years sabotaging my own good fortune by sharing everything until I have nothing left for myself … all because of a belief my innocent, 6 year old self came up with… Oopsie doopsie!)
My desire for deep connection is still very real… And yet in this moment NOW… I don’t feel any desire … I feel deeply connected to myself and therefore connected to all-that-is. Perhaps my desire to be fully seen and heard comes down to KNOWING that what I share in story, I shift through in consciousness … This process allows me space to fully see and hear MYSELF … Maybe a bi-product is that my own shift & sharing creates space for others to shift & share also? … Like “ahhh yeah this is why I’m earth-side… “
Speaking of which… No matter what’s happening earth-side at the moment (if you haven’t noticed … shit is getting weirder by the day!’ ) … I REAL-eyes that ( multidimensional universe’s aside) it’s ultimately our shared humanity that connects us to each other & all that is. It would appear that our humanness & inevitable contractions are ironically the gateway to everything that lies beyond.
So I’m left pondering … How can we better support each other through our inevitable human contractions and allow more space for our spiritual expansion? … As we birth this new earth TOGETHER?
And… I feel called to offer one final contemplation:
…"When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?”
Maybe you’ll find your own answers in the contemplation… Maybe the contemplation will help support your own contraction and expansion … and our collective birthing process …
I can’t say for sure … but I reckon ‘dem shamanic societies were onto something!
With love & gratitude for a weird AF journey shared, Em xo